20 OCTOBER 2017 - 11.14

AN UPDATE

It been a while since the last time i posted my feeling in this blog, to be exact it has been a month and 13 days. Countless things had happened between me and her. We past a lot of happy time and sad time. The recent one was last night and just now. She told me her feeling again, and again i made a mistake toward her. But that didn't matter, cause it makes me event more serious toward her. I will prove her that i can make her happy and will show her my commitment.

Today i'm going to visit he, almost 900km journey and honestly a risky journey. Never done it before. But i have the feeling that i must meet her and make a precious moment with her. As i always told her, that i'm willing to sacrifice everything just for her. Just for her, i'll hurt myself if neccesary. Countless time i've been hurted, but my love is stronger than that. It always made me stand again and fight even harder.

I'm so glad that she found me, and i really hope that she will accept me soon. Cause that will be the happiest moment of my life.

-F-

September 6 2017 - 8.23 PM

THE NEW CHAPTER

A happiness strike on me this night. From spending time in a spiritual place to tasting some dyspepsia causing gelato. So much endorphin flow on my blood. Foung out that her favourite song, her favourite song genre, movie character are in similar wavelength as mine.

Happiness is all i want to share tonight

September 6 2017 - 5.31 A.M

A CONCLUSION, A RESOLUTION

This morning i woke up and everything seems usual except the feeling i had. Then i turn on my laptop and listen to old love song. Somehow they all represented all my feeling. Just like the Air Supply's song, "i'm laying alone with my head on the phone, thinking of you tilp it hurts..", i feel so hurt from the night before till the dawn right now. I couldn't sleep well, my heart was still pounding hard since last night.

But somehow i got my revealation, the conclusion and my resolution. I must fight and win your heart back. I'll make you mine, whatever it cost even it tcost whole my life energy to reach it. Because just like Aerosmith's song "I don't want to miss a thing". I just don't want you disappear from my life. I'll always treasure you. I just want to be with you and be right here with you, feel your heartbeat next to me.

My dream is just like Lionel Richie's song "Endless love", "i want to share all my love with you, and no one else will do". I will share my eternity with you, and you will be my endless love.

This is my resolution! And i will make it happen soon!

September 5 2017 - 22.08

MIMPI BURUK YG JADI KENYATAAN

22.09 Akhirnya terjadi, apa yg aku takutkan selama beberapa hari ini. Entah ku tak tau harus bersikap apa. Ku bingung, ingin ku menangis tapi tak mampu, ingin ku marah tapi tak tau. Tuhan ini terasa berat, seakan tulang rusukku tertekan hingga masuk menembus jaringan paru-paru. Seakan jantungku tak mampu mengembang dengan sempurna karena tekanannya.

22.11 Ku sedih... ku sedih... ku sedih...

22.15 Mengetik kata ini pun sangat berat bagiku. Ku tak ingin menulis ini, menuangkan kata-kata pun terasa lebih berat. Berulang kali ku tekan tombol back space karena banyak hal. Kesalahan tulisan, ketidakbermaknaan atau hanya sekedar kebingungan hati yg tak mampu ku bendung lagi.

22.19 AAAAAAAAAARGGHHHHHH, ku ingin berteriak. Ingin ku hantamkan kepala ini, ingin ku kepal kan tangan ini.

22.20 ku hanya melihat jam sambil memikirkan apa yg ingin ku tulis , Ku berharap tak perlu menggunakan seragam ungu karena hal ini.

Aku hanya ingin tidur
Aku tak ingin bangun besok, ku hanya ingin tidur.

Tuesday - 05 September 2017 

A LITTLE VENT FROM AN EXTROVERT PERSON (1) 

As all we know that depression can influenced everyone. A little talk is what we need. I'm on a state of early depression. 

My mind constanly think about every little thing that matter. Last choice i've made, which i think will make me better wasn't really going as what i expected. I try not to be strictly man nor a dictator type of men. I just want tobe a nice man, a reasonable man, even though that means to sacrifice my own feeling. I do believe it until today, that it is for a good sake. 

I'm willing to sacrifice and give anything. 

Today i feel so down. I wear nothing but a thin shirt with a white coat, but it feels like i'm wearing iron armor all over my body. I wear nothing but a glasses on my eyes and something on my head as i try to relax. But it feels like thousand rope are bound over my head. Tiding me up till blood can flow to supply my whole head. 

I know maybe this is a karma, something that meant to happen, something that happen because things that i've done in the past and it is religiously real.  

What should i do? 

That question mingle around my mind in the last couple days. And still can't find the answer.